Some of these tweets below are from today and the rest are from a few days ago. I’m particularly proud of these, but it doesn’t mean anyone else will like them. One of big things I notice about Project Runway is how a designer will be inordinately proud of something they made and they think the judges will love it, but the judges will tear them a new asshole on how awful it is. Yes, you should be proud of your own work, but if you want to put something in front of an audience you shouldn’t be surprised when they turn into a firing squad. I think that’s why I like trying my hand at humor, you know right away if someone likes it. Although all in all I’m probably better at cooking than at being funny.

Sometimes it’s painful giving up living in a fantasy world. For example when I stopped believing in the tooth fairy I lost an income source.

I’d be more inclined to believe in the invisible hand of the market if it gave a reacharound every once in a while.

And Jesus said blame the poor for their own misfortune. Tell the lazy to find work. Tell the hungry to bake their own pie.

The rich will tell you the moral of the story of Les Miserables is, “Don’t steal the bread.”

If someone complains you never say anything nice about Sarah Palin, you can say she knows the difference between a lectern and a podium.