1. A neutron walks into a bar and asks “how much for a beer?”

The bartender says, “for you? no charge.”

2. Two atoms are walking down the street together. The first atom turns and says, “Hey, you just stole an electron from me!”

“Are you sure?” asks the second atom.

To which the first atom replies, “Yeah, I’m positive!”

3. Q: Why don’t anions have many friends?

A: They’re negative.